I'm back, back in the football groove

On a lazy Friday afternoon at work some 15 years ago, I sat at my PC and began to write. If memory serves me right, it was the Friday before Labor Day weekend. Hit with a crazy inspiration, I wrote a brief commentary on seven college football games to be played that weekend. Each commentary was sprinkled with dose of humor.

Having completed my task, I then e-mailed my composition to 12 acquaintances – mostly fellow workers. The 12 recipients, along with myself, represented fans of Florida, Georgia, Nebraska, Texas, Duke, Purdue and West Virginia – hence, the seven commentaries.

Little did I realize then that what I wrote would become a weekly labor of love for the remainder of that football season – thanks to the encouragement of those 12 original recipients. Nor did I ever imagine, in my wildest dreams, that it would still be going today. And unthinkable that each weekly exercise would eventually grow from about a page and a half of text to several pages each week, and from 12 readers to more than 700 recipients (and countless, unknown others that it has been forwarded, and forwarded and forwarded to).

Along the way, what began in 1995, eventually took on the name “College Football Week.” My wife became Swamp Mama and Swamp Mama gave me the name Touchdown Tom. In 1998, Touchdown Tom began a weekly, 30-minute radio show on WMMB (1240 AM). Originally working with commentator Larry Brewer, the show continues today with commentator Bill Mick.

Eventually, as College Football Week grew, it developed into an established format – a format that has remained basically the same for several years. The seven teams of the 12 original recipients are now the “Ye Olde Stomping Grounds.”

A week from today – August 16 – College Football Week will begin its 16th season. For the next 23 weeks, you can take an interesting trip, following the world of college football as seen through the eyes of Touchdown Tom and his accomplices Swamp Mama, Rockledge Gator and Bootsie. CFW is simply everything college football and then some.

For the long-time readers who need to reminisce, and for the first-time readers who need an introduction, below is an abridged, weekly trip through the 2009 season of CFW.

Touchdown Tom
August 9, 2010



College Football Week – 17 Days and Counting
A New ‘Mouth from the South’

(August 17, 2009) In the first issue of the 2009 season, Touchdown Tom wrote about the trials and tribulations of new Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin. After only a few months on the job in Knoxville, Kiffin had most definitely become the new “Mouth from the South,” reviving and taking over the title once held by South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier when he was at Florida.

Then TT provided his annual preview of the upcoming quarterbacks for the 2009 season, along with the new coaches and the coaches on the hot seat.

A sampling of last year’s “Quotes of the Off-Season:”

“The Evil Genius talked big, too. The difference was, Steve Spurrier had already won something before he arrived in the SEC. (Like an ACC championship – at Duke.) Lane Kiffin’s record as a head coach is 5-15. And yet he has, in two-plus months at Tennessee, managed to come off as the biggest smart aleck ever to hit the conference that eventually humbles everybody. It will be great fun watching him lose,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Mark Bradley.

“When she married Tom Brady earlier this week, Gisele Bundchen’s three dogs actually wore matching Dolce & Gabbana floral lace collars to the wedding. But what if it had been Michael Vick’s wedding?,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“Lane Kiffin Weekly Buffoonery Update: Can you believe Little Kiffy reportedly told a recruit in South Carolina that if he doesn’t sign with the Vols he’ll end up pumping gas the rest of his life? Hard to believe this comes from a guy who, if his daddy wasn’t Mote Kiffin, would be the one pumping gas right now,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“Did you see where CBS just canceled the soap opera ‘Guiding Light’ after 72 years? Hey, what’s Bobby Bowden supposed to do now?,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“What does Lane Kiffin’s recruiting pitch and a stripper have in common? They both tell you what you want to hear,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“We learned two things at SEC Media Days this week: The legend of Tim Tebow keeps getting bigger and bigger. The legend of Steve Spurrier keeps getting smaller and smaller,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“The SEC isn’t a conference anymore. It’s an ATM with a practice facility,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz, on the SEC’s new television contracts for $3 billion.


College Football Week – Getting Closer
Teebow Panties and UGA Caviar?
The Off-Season Had Its Moments

(August 24, 2009) In his annual review of the off-season, Touchdown Tom commented on, among other things, all the wacky happenings when football is not being played that keeps the sport in the hearts and minds of college football fanatics. He covered the sale of 100% cotton panties (with bows) named after the Florida quarterback, Michael Phelps pipe smoking, Mark Sanford’s hike on the Appalachian Trail, Budweiser “Fan Cans,” Siberian Sturgeon Caviar packaged by a University of Georgia professor and other assorted off-season shenanigans.

Then TT previewed the teams, running backs and other players of the 2009 season.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“If John McKay were still alive and coaching the Bucs, here’s what he’d say about Byron Leftwich: ‘His speed is deceiving. He’s slower than he looks,’ ” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“God wants Tim Tebow to be a Green Bay Packer,” Packer fan on the Internet last week.


College Football Week One – Gamecocks-Wolfpack Kickoff ’09
‘At last, my love has come along’

(August 31, 2009) The 2009 season was upon us and Touchdown Tom showed his excitement by sprinkling the lyrics of “At Last” throughout his column, which took one final look at the upcoming season three days before its first game. And, of course, TT’s first weekly predictions on the Top 20 Games of the Week.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“Timing is everything. Transferring is hard, and if you probably did a study on transfers, especially quarterbacks, they don’t usually work out. But this one is much different. This one has been an awesome journey,” Ole Miss coach Houston Nutt, on his quarterback Jevan Snead.

“I know he wants to take his last breath out there on the field,” Florida Atlantic athletic director Craig Angelos, on the Owls’ coach Howard Schnellenberger. (Schnellenberger is 75.)

“And can you believe the dog killer actually got a standing ovation Thursday night in Philadelphia? Good grief, what’s the sports world coming to? Remember when standing O’s were reserved for Lou Gehrig’s last appearance at Yankee Stadium instead of Michael Vick’s first game back from prison,?” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.


Football Week 2 – Bradford back in 2 to 4 Weeks; Buckeyes host USC
‘This is our destiny, our night to shine
This is our moment, this is our time’

(September 8, 20009) Touchdown Tom reviewed the first week’s action, including more problems for Rich Rodriguez at Michigan, South Carolina’s 7-3 win over N.C. State in the season’s opener, Joe Paterno back in the saddle (on the sidelines) again, Ohio State’s 31-27 scary win over Navy, and big wins for Alabama, BYU and William & Mary over Virginia Tech, Oklahoma and Virginia respectively.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“We know the rules, and we follow the rules,” Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez, responding to allegations that the Wolverine coaching staff has violated NCAA rules.

“We believe we have been compliant with NCAA rules, but nonetheless we have launched a full investigation,” Michigan athletic director Bill Martin.

“If the Wolverines went 9-3 last season instead of 3-9, would we be on this subject today? One way out of this mess for Rodriguez. Win early, win often. Victories against Notre Dame and Michigan State, and this issue is forgiven. Victory against Ohio State, and it’s forgotten,” USA Today columnist Mike Lopresti, on Rich Rodriguez’s situation at Michigan.

“I’m excited to get back to work and feel like it’s really going to heal my wounds,” ESPN’s Erin Andrews on The Oprah Winfrey Show.

“It was easy to understand Steve Spurrier leaving Tim Tebow off his ballot for the All-SEC first team. The poor guy’s been stuck at South Carolina and he doesn’t know what a good quarterback looks like any more. Either that or he’s just somewhat disoriented from the Gamecocks losing their final three games last season (Florida, Clemson, Iowa) by a combined score of 118-30, give or take a major organ,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“Miami at Florida State: I remember when this game took place later in the season. But then both schools felt it’d be better to move it into early September when they could be sure it would still mean something. A loss wouldn’t go down easy for Bobby Bowden. The man’s already had his get-out-of-jail-free card voided by the NCAA,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“Phil Fulmer is gone. Now I know how Johnny Carson felt when Richard Nixon resigned and he lost half his monologue. Fortunately, Lane Kiffin already has been a suitable replacement. It’s sort of like if Nixon was replaced by, I dunno, Curly Howard. And how many times can one man confuse the pancake mix with the gun powder?,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“If nothing else, the man can put on a show – on and off the football field. His teams are usually high flying. His press conferences are usually high crying,” Charleston Gazette columnist Mitch Vingle, on Michigan coach Rich Rodriguez.

“What about that sucker punch Oregon running back LeGarrette Blount threw at the end of the Ducks’ 19-8 loss to Boise State Thursday night? Should he have been suspended for the entire season? No, he should have been given a far worse penalty: He should have been strapped into a recliner and made to watch an endless video loop of Lou Holtz’s “Dr. Lou” segments on ESPN,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.


College Football Week 3 – We separate the men from the boys this week
The Cougars Make a Case

(September 14, 2009) Touchdown Tom was blown away by Houston quarterback Case Keenum and five games – Houston 45, Oklahoma State 35; Michigan 38, Notre Dame 34; UCLA 19, Tennessee 15; Georgia 41, South Carolina 37, and USC 18, Ohio State 15. And five more games added icing to the cake – Wake Forest 24, Stanford 17; Minnesota 20, Air Force 13; Oregon 38, Purdue 36; Oregon State 23, UNLV 21, and Central Michigan 29 Michigan State 27. Of course it all began Thursday night – Georgia Tech 30, Clemson 27.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“There’s something missing at UGA, and it isn’t talent,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Mark Bradley.

“I wonder who Terrelle Pryor will pay tribute to on his eye-black patch this week,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“Couldn’t believe South Carolina congressman Joe Wilson actually heckled President Obama during his health care speech the other night. Who does this guy think he is – a Cameron Crazy?,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“And this comes on the heels of South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford shirking his gubernatorial duties so he could fly down to South America to visit his Argentine mistress. Geez, I don’t know what’s worse in South Carolina – the politicians or Steve Spurrier’s offense?,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.


College Football Week 4 – Conference Play Heats Up
Another Sophomore for the Heisman?

(September 21, 2009) Touchdown Tom was mightily impressed with the play of Miami (Florida) quarterback Jacory Harris. Harris had another big week as the Hurricanes beat Georgia Tech 33-17. TT was also impressed with the play of California’s Jahvid Best and Minnesota’s Eric Decker in Cal’s 35-21 win over the Gophers. Five contests provided Saturday’s thrills – Florida 23, Tennessee 13; Notre Dame 33, Michigan State 30; Virginia Tech 16, Nebraska 15; Oregon 31, Utah 24, and Washington 16, USC 13.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“Al Groh is in trouble at Virginia. For this season Groh did what Tommy Tuberville did at Auburn and Phillip Fulmer did at Tennessee. He hired a new offensive coordinator to run the spread hoping to put some energy into a program in trouble. It didn’t work at Auburn or Tennessee and apparently it is not working at Virginia,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Tony Barnhart.

“A lot has changed since Lane Kiffin called Urban Meyer a cheater and said he would ‘sing Rocky Top all night long’ when the Vols beat the Gators. For one thing, Tennessee doesn’t let him hold the microphone anymore,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“Yeah, we’re going to try to knock him out, but it’s like hitting a fullback. I’m not going to lie to you, he’s a big boy,” Tennessee linebacker Rico McCoy, on Tim Tebow.

“We lost the game. But I will come back with basketball coach Bruce Pearl. He’s 7-1 against Florida,” Tennessee coach Lane Kiffin, after the Florida game.

“In reality, this wasn’t a matchup between Urban Meyer and Lane Kiffin; it was a matchup between Meyer and Monte Kiffin,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.


College Football Week 5 – USC-Cal, OU-Miami and LSU-Georgia
My, How the Mighty are Falling!

(September 28, 2009) In one week, Jacory Harris and Jahvid Best went from the top of the mountain to the bottom of the valley – Virginia Tech 31, Miami 7, and Oregon 42, California 3.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“We move forward. We love Matt to death, but we’re moving forward. That’s the way it is. I’m not being callous, but people get hurt in this game,” South Florida coach Jim Leavitt, on the loss of his quarterback Matt Grothe.

“Don’t ever forget, Ole Miss will always at some point during the football season revert back into Ole miserable. It’s in their jeans, er, genes,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi, after the Rebels lost to South Carolina Thursday night.


College Football Week Six – Two Biggies in the SEC and Big Ten
Bobbies on sigh-cycles, two-by-two

(October 5, 2009) Touchdown Tom wrote about the tough times for two of college football’s biggest coaches – Florida State’s Bobby Bowden and Oklahoma’s Bobby Stoops. FSU fell to 2-3, losing to Boston College, 28-21, and Oklahoma dropped to 2-2, losing to Miami (Florida), 21-20.

Georgia’s Mark Richt and New Mexico’s Mike Locksley were having their share of problems too.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week,”

“You look at the SEC now and Georgia is no better than the fourth best program in the conference, with no signs of closing the gap. If anything, it’s the gap behind the Bulldogs that’s closing,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“Before getting to this week’s almost perfect blue-chip indicators, give or take a turnover, we have big news from the heart of the real Southeastern Conference – Bangladesh. A farmer was honored for killing 83,450 rats on his farm and who even knew Jackie Sherrill had that many cousins?,” Atlanta Journal Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“Tech at Missy State: True story: Johnny Cash once got drunk in Starkville, spent the night in jail and later wrote a song about it (“Starkville City Jail”). But he claimed he actually was arrested for picking flowers, so Starkville now has the Johnny Cash Flower Pickin’ Festival. Hey, when your football team stinks and your city makes Hattiesburg look like Salzburg, you take what you can get. And you get drunk a lot,” Atlanta Journal Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“Oklahoma at Miami: The Canes crashed in Blacksburg after wins over FSU and Tech. But why have odds makers gone Sooner-crazy? Oklahoma lost at BYU, then beat up Idaho State and Tulsa. I guess because the game against Fred’s Farmhands and Catfish Brokers fell through,” Atlanta Journal Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“Bama at Roadkill: The NCAA’s new schedule-maker, Prof. Ludwig von Kevorkian, scheduled Kentucky to play Florida and Alabama in consecutive weeks. Wouldn’t cyanide be quicker?,” Atlanta Journal Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“There was a time under Mark Richt when Georgia made the one play, the winning play. That time was not Saturday. That time, it seems, has passed,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Mark Bradley.

“My hope is frankly that we’ll go ahead, and if we have to, let the world know that this year will be the end of the Bowden era. I think the record will show that the Seminole Nation has been more than patient. We have been in a decline not for a year or two or three but I think we’re coming up on seven or eight. I think enough is enough,” Jim Smith, chairman of the Florida State Board of Trustees.


College Football Week 7 – A Big Opportunity for Charlie Weis
Four Exposed, Nine Remain

(October 12, 2009) Four of the 13 undefeated teams lost over the weekend. Nebraska knocked off Missouri, 27-12. Auburn fell to Arkansas, 44-23. Wisconsin lost to Ohio State, 31-13. Florida tripped up LSU in Baton Rouge (and at night), 13-3.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“Don’t take this as an endorsement for Bowden hanging on at Florida State for another 10 years (or at least until Joe Paterno is the first to fall face down in his oatmeal). But you don’t do this to people. You don’t do this to Bowden. Some two-faced, corporate weasel, dweeb – I couldn’t decide, so I figured I’d use all three – named Jim Smith came out publicly and said ‘enough is enough’ when it came to Bowden’s future. He basically tried to announce Bowden’s retirement for him in the aftermath of another FSU loss Saturday. Smith is the chairman of the FSU Board of Trustees. He’s not some drunken frat boy in the student section. So he doesn’t even have that excuse. Bowden deserves to go out on his own terms,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“Rush Limbaugh as NFL owner? Wonderful? He has first-hand knowledge of being criminally investigated for drugs after his abuse of prescription painkillers (OxyContin). He had that great stint with ESPN, during which he basically accused the media of going soft on Donovan McNabb because he’s an African American quarterback (and word of going ‘soft’ must’ve been news to the Philly media). And maybe he can do one of those NFL United Way commercials, given that he accused actor Michael J. Fox of exaggerating his Parkinson’s disease. And finally, he’ll be a real popular guy in the locker room for playing a satirical song, ‘Barack The Magic Negro’ (sung to ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’) in 2007 on his talk show. Yes, just the kind of good-will ambassador NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is looking for,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“Florida State has not betrayed Bobby Bowden. Bobby Bowden has betrayed Florida State,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“As great as Bobby has been and as much as he has meant to FSU, he has selfishly and stubbornly choreographed his own demise,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“Georgia Tech against the empty polo shirt of Bobby Bowden. If you can’t make it for the start of the game, be sure to tune in by halftime for the public stoning. The Seminoles aren’t a football team any more. They’re Mutiny on the Bounty meets the Salem Witch Trials. And somebody thinks they’re going to pull together? No,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.


College Football Week 8 – Alabama overtakes Florida in AP Poll
A Number of Revelations

(October 19, 2009) It was a week when we learned that Boise State was going to finish the season undefeated and that Cincinnati may finish the season undefeated. But there is no way Boise State will play for the national championship, while Cincinnati could. We learned that after watching “Dancing with the Stars,” Rockledge Gator wanted to do the lambada with Lady Gaga.

We learned astonishing things about the reading levels and IQs of several Florida State athletes. We learned that Fergie became a co-owner of the Miami Dolphins, at which point Rush Limbaugh released his new single “Big Boys Don’t Cry.” And Purdue revealed Ohio State’s vulnerabilities to the tune of 26-18.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“Our ex-coach flipped a huge middle finger right in our current coach’s face. I love our head coach (Rodriguez). I love what they’re trying to do,” former Michigan quarterback Rick Leach, on Lloyd Carr dissing Rich Rodriguez.

“Is anybody shocked Bobby Bowden told Tony Barnhart of CBS that he’s ‘strongly leaning’ towards coming back next year? He’s making $2.3 million a year to let somebody else coach the team. Hey, let me tell you, that $2.3 million check from FSU beats Social Security any day,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“It’s a good thing Rush Limbaugh was kicked out of an ownership group that is trying to buy the NFL’s St. Louis Rams. Let’s face it, if Rush had bought the team, the Rams would have been far too predictable. All they would have done is run right, run right, run right,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“We don’t really believe they cheated. They got inappropriate help,” Florida State president T.K. Wetherell, on the FSU athletes involved in the academic scandal.


College Football Week 9 – Big Pac-10 Showdown in Eugene
BCS and the Seven Undefeated Teams

(October 26, 2009) We were down to seven undefeated teams – five BCS teams (Alabama, Cincinnati, Florida, Iowa and Texas) and two non-BCS teams (Boise State and TCU).

In the games of the week, Alabama got by Tennessee, 12-10. Clemson beat Miami (Florida), 40-37 in overtime. Iowa beat Michigan State in a thriller, 15-13. And under a solemn atmosphere in Morgantown, West Virginia beat a fired-up Connecticut, 28-24. UConn was playing a week after starting safety Jasper Howard was stabbed and killed on campus.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“I’m not saying SEC officials are protecting their cash cow known as the Florida Gators, but I believe the SEC officiating crew that called the UF-Arkansas game Saturday was made up of Line Judge Mr. Two-Bits, Field Judge Albert the Alligator and Side Judge Bob Tebow,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“If Terry (Bowden) had become Bobby’s offensive coordinator years ago, Bobby would be well ahead of Joe Paterno in victories and Terry would be preparing to take over the FSU program,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“Good news for Florida State fans: You got yourself a thrilling victory Thursday night. Bad news: Bobby was so excited because of it, he just gave himself another one-year extension,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“Have you heard about the new fourth quarter tradition at UF home games? It’s the one where SEC officials all wrap arms around each other’s shoulders and start swaying and singing, ‘We Are The Refs From Old Florida,’ ” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“Once again my daughter Jessica has picked out the most frightening costume imaginable for Halloween this year. She’s going dress up as a Dwight Howard free throw,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.


College Football Week 10 – Tuscaloosa and State College take the stage
The Picture Develops in November

(November 2, 2009) It was the beginning of November. In college football, it all comes together during the month of November and by the end of the month the picture is clear. Touchdown Tom and Swamp Mama were in Tampa for the West Virginia-South Florida game. Unfortunately, USF won, 30-19. In other games, North Carolina upset Virginia Tech, 20-17. And in Jacksonville, at the World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail party, Florida beat Georgia for the 17th time in 20 years, 41-17. Georgia wore black helmets for the first time in school history. Lot of good it did them. Out West, Oregon ran all over USC, 47-20.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“The Dogs are in Jacksonville. Fortunately, none of the players drove. There was another arrest this week. This time an offensive lineman, Vince Vance, who ran a red light, was driving without a license and of course missed a block. Georgia believes it has a chance against Florida. Why? Because it’s coming off a win over Vanderbilt? Even Army didn’t get cocky after beating Vandy, and in fact lost its next two games to Temple and Rutgers,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“Mississippi at Auburn: The Tigers got off to a 5-0 start and suddenly everybody ran out Gene Chizik jokes. Three losses and 96 opponent points later, Bobby Lowder is plotting another overthrow,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“When Tim Tebow ran in for a 22-yard touchdown with 1:32 left in the second quarter Saturday, the total humiliation and domination of Georgia was complete,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“Historically and symbolically, Florida has now taken everything from Georgia. Every last vestige of pride and passion,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“On his eye black Saturday, Tebow wore Philippians 4:6-7, a Bible verse that begins, ‘Do not be anxious about anything.’ Modern translation: ‘Nothing to worry about, fellas, it’s only Georgia,’ ” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.


College Football Week 11 – Spotlight on the Horned Frogs
The Fun Is Just Beginning

(November 9, 2009) Northwestern stuns Iowa, 17-10. In other big games – Stanford 51, Oregon 42; Ohio State 24, Penn State 7, and Alabama 24, LSU 15. Then there were three scares – Georgia Tech 30, Wake Forest 27 in overtime; Cincinnati 47, Connecticut 45, and Boise State 45, Louisiana Tech 35. And if you still need more excitement – Houston 46, Tulsa 45.

Touchdown Tom, Swamp Mama, Rockledge Gator, Bootsie, Princess Gator, Bama Gator, Gator Gabe and Gator Babe had a weekend in Gainesville for the Florida-Vanderbilt game. Gators won, 27-3. And Bobby Bowden turned 80.

A sampling of that week’s “Quote of the Week:”

“The scariest word in college football has been pinned to the Georgia Bulldogs. That word: Shreveport,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Mark Bradley.

“To play in the Independence Bowl is the worst of all fates, worse even than playing in no bowl at all. Because a team has to pretend to be excited about a trip to Shreveport, whereas a bowl-less team can just slink off under cover of winter,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Mark Bradley.

“Florida State at Clemson: Defensive coordinator Mickey Andrews says he’s retiring. Wait. I thought he was already dead,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.


College Football Week 12 – Showdown in Tombstone Territory
‘And it’s magic, if the music is groovy’

(November 16, 2009) In his annual “What Year Was It” column, Touchdown Tom highlighted the football, music, etc. of 1965.

And from the west coast – Stanford 55, USC 21.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“Three Vols’ players were charged with armed robbery this week. Pretty sure that’s not an SEC record. But as Steve Spurrier would say, “You can’t spell San Quentin without the U and the T,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.


Week 13 – Thanksgiving, and it must be Rivalry Week
Problems, problems, problems all day long

(November 23, 2009) A number of coaches around the country were having their share of problems – Mark Mangino, Lane Kiffin, Rich Rodriguez, Charlie Weis and Bobby Bowden to mention a few. LSU coach Les Miles had problems managing the clock at the end of the game as the Tigers lost to Ole Miss, 27-25 – a game LSU could and should have won. Mark Richt’s problems continued as Georgia lost to Kentucky, 34-27.

In biggies out West, Oregon beat Arizona in two overtimes, 44-41, and Cal knocked off Stanford, 34-28.

Uga VII died.

A sampling of that week’s Quote of the Week:”

“Jerry Glanville just got fired by Portland State. If that’s not hitting bottom, I’m assuming the next job involves either bowling shoes or circus elephants,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“Vanderbilt at Knoxville Correctional Institute: So it turns out three players getting arrested on charges of armed robbery isn’t the only problem at Tennessee. Lane Kiffin failed to mention another freshman is facing a charge for allegedly shoplifting a $110 Polo shirt on Nov. 7. Nice recruiting class. Do full scholarships in Knoxville include the leg chains?,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“Did you see where the Mississippi White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan will rally in Oxford today during the Ole Miss-LSU game to protest Ole Miss Chancellor Dan Jones' removal of the song ‘From Dixie with Love’ from Ole Miss’ band ensemble? And this is the difference between being a football fan in Florida and being a football fan in Mississippi. In Florida, we have the flaming spear. In Mississippi, they have the burning cross,” Orlando Sentinel Columnist Mike Bianchi.

“I know, I know, Urban Meyer is on record as saying he will never coach at Notre Dame. But he’s a college coach, which means you can’t believe anything he says,” Orlando Sentinel Columnist Mike Bianchi.


College Football Week 14 – Seven Games Decide Conference Champs
Animatronic Uga, high school playoffs,
It was another great Thanksgiving week

(November 30, 2009) In South Bend, Notre Dame quarterback Jimmy Clausen had a black eye – literally. Something about a fight in a bar after a game. Then in Athens, if Georgia wasn’t having enough problems already, PETA initiated a protest, saying that Georgia should no longer use a live dog as a mascot. This coming after the death of Uga VII.

The seats were getting hotter for Charlie Weis and Mark Mangino. And West Virginia beat Pitt, 19-13, in the 102nd edition of the “Backyard Brawl.”

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“I don’t think he’ll be at Notre Dame. I don’t think that’s anything he’ll do now. I don’t think he’ll do that ever. I don’t think he’s really interested. I think he’s enjoying his time here. I think he’s enjoying being the head coach at the University of Florida and enjoying this senior class and being undefeated. We’ve won 21 in a row. He loves his players and I don’t think he wants to go to a place where he has to start fresh,” Florida quarterback Tim Tebow, on Gator coach Urban Meyer.

“PETA has had a busy week. You probably read that the organization wants Georgia to replace the late Uga VII with an animatronic dog or a costumed mascot, because apparently a real bulldog’s heart just can’t take it. Dudes, have you seen this team? No species can take it. It wasn’t an asteroid that caused the extinction of dinosaurs, it was a Willie Martinez game plan,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.

“I don’t like Utah. In fact, I hate them. I hate everything about them. I hate their program, their fans. I hate everything. It felt really good to send those guys home. I think the whole university and their fans and the organization is classless,” BYU quarterback Max Hall, after the Utah game.


College Football Week 15 – It’s Alabama-Texas on January 7
The Gators were asleep at the wheel

(December 7, 2009) Florida loses to Alabama in the SEC Championship game, 31-13. Georgia Tech beat Clemson, 39-34 to take the ACC title. And in the Big 12, Texas was lucky to beat Nebraska, 13-12, in that conference’s title game. Oregon beat Oregon State, 37-33, to win the Pac-10 crown. Finally, Cincinnati capped Pitt, 45-44, to win the Big East title.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“The choice was painful but clear,” Hofstra president Stuart Rabinowitz, on dropping football at the school.

“Gee whiz, I’ve been coaching for 56 years. It’s about time to get out. And go see the world,” Florida state coach Bobby Bowden.

“I ain’t going to move way out of town, but I won’t live in Tallahassee,” Florida State coach Bobby Bowden, on where he will reside.

“What’s the biggest regret Florida coach Urban Meyer has about having to suspend arrested-for-DUI defensive star Carlos Dunlap for today’s Southern Super Bowl against Alabama? Probably that Dunlap wasn’t pulled over in Isleworth by the Windermere Police Department,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“Can hardly wait to hear the PGA Tour moderator when Tiger Woods comes into the media room after the first round of next year’s Buick Open: ‘Tiger, can you go over your round for us, please? Let’s start with your birdies and bimbos, er, bogeys,’ ” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“You should be ashamed to accept that trophy! You ought to be ashamed to accept that trophy!,” Nebraska defensive coordinator Carl Pelini, screaming at Texas during the trophy presentation after the Big 12 Championship game.


College Football Extra – Special Bowl Game Preview
It’s beginning to look a lot like bowl games
Everywhere you go
Take a look at ESPN, glistening once again
With Lou Holtz and Mark May all aglow

(December 11, 2009) Touchdown Tom previewed all 34 bowl games.


College Football Week 16 – Ingram gets Heisman; Kansas gets Gill
It Came Upon A Bowl Game Clear

Good predictions I bring to you and your kin.
Good predictions for Christmas and a Happy New Year.

(December 14, 2009) Touchdown Tom’s annual bowl game forecast.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Wee:”

“If you haven’t heard by now, former Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis, who would be just another dreadful head coach if he also wasn’t such a dirt bag, did an exit interview with, ‘Irish Illustrated.’ In this piece, he basically outed USC coach Pete Carroll for shacking up with a female grad student (not his wife) in Malibu. The only problem is that Carroll says it’s not true, not that it’s Weis’ business, anyway,” Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Jeff Schultz.


College Football Week 17 – Bowl Games: 3 Down, 31 To Go
Pre-Christmas meanderings,
while spiking my eggnog

(December 21, 2009) It was four days before Christmas and Touchdown Tom commented on the goings on in college football.

A sampling of that week’s “Quote of the Week:”

“Our players catch balls now, the defense holds people now, and we are ready to go even higher and that makes me feel very, very good,” 72-yer-old comedian Bill Cosby, on Temple (his alma mater) football this year.

“We’ve got a coach at Kentucky who put two schools on probation and he’s still coaching. I really don’t understand that,” former Indiana and Texas Tech basketball coach Bobby Knight, on Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari.


College Football Week 18 – 30 Bowls Down, 4 To Go
There was much mistletoeing,
And footballs a throwing

(January 4, 2010) Touchdown Tom provided a post-holiday update on college football, including a review of the bowl games played to date.

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“If I see we’re not alert in practice and don’t have a lot of bounce, I’ll say, ‘Okay, we’re going to bed tonight,’ ” Penn State coach Joe Paterno, on his “no curfew” policy for players during bowl week.

“This program is not broke, but some things need to get fixed. The things that I need to fix are some of the things that I believe held this program back from winning. That’s what they brought me here for is to help this program win,” new Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly.

“There is no chance Urban will change his mind about quitting. This is the best decision for him and us right now,” Shelley Meyer, Urban’s wife.

“I get my daddy back,” Nicki Meyer, Urban’s oldest daughter, upon hearing the news about her father’s resignation.

“Welcome to UF (the University of Flip-flopping). First, Billy Donovan changed his mind about leaving the school when he spent about an hour-and-a-half as the Magic’s head coach, and now Urban Meyer has had a last-second change of heart, too,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“And, so, the Gators are a program in limbo. With all due respect, Meyer turning his program over to Addazio is like Michelangelo turning over the Sistine Chapel to Al’s Painting and Drywall,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“During Sunday’s news conference, Meyer said he wanted the focus to be on his players. If Meyer did not want to create a distraction, why announce the resignation before the Sugar Bowl? Why not play the game, then drop the bombshell afterward,” New York Times columnist William C. Rhoden.

“If the future of the Florida football program had a Facebook page, its relationship status would read, ‘It’s complicated,’ ” New York Times columnist Pete Thamel.


College Football Week 19 – Bama keeps it in the SEC
Without the Real McCoy, Longhorns were just a Toy

(January 11, 2010) Alabama wins the national championship, beating Texas in the title game.

South Florida became the third school this season to fire its coach for mistreating a player. Kansas and Texas Tech were the other two.

A sampling of that week’s “Quote of the Week:”

“We call him ‘The Future’ and ‘The Next Tom Brady.’ He’s going to be really good,” Florida offensive guard Carl Johnson, on John Brantley, the next Gator quarterback.

“The only reason for going is because there’s a lot of money involved. I don’t care about that. That’s not what it’s about for me. I want to enjoy what I’m doing,” Washington junior quarterback Jake Locker, on not declaring for the NFL draft.


College Football Week 20 – Until August 16
‘I’ll just bid farewell until we meet again’

(January 18, 2010) With the lyrics of Bob Dylan’s “Restless Farewell” sprinkled throughout the column, Touchdown Tom sadly put the cap on another college football season.

And the “Mouth of the South” became the “Jest of the West.”

A sampling of that week’s “Quotes of the Week:”

“I enjoy it tremendously, and I enjoy the Gatorade bath. I didn’t enjoy getting hit in the head and almost getting knocked out. I talked to Johnny Majors and Vince Dooley to come in as consultants to teach our players how to dump Gatorade on somebody so that might not happen again,” Alabama coach Nick Saban, on coaching and on the Gatorade bath he got at the end of the Texas game.

“I like the bowl system. I like the opportunity for a lot of teams to have a successful season and to get a chance to go to a bowl game. We don’t need to limit that to whatever the playoff deal is. I’ve been involved in small college playoff systems. It was fun, it was great, but it wasn’t perfect. The system we have now is as close as we can get to a national championship,” Oregon State coach Mike Riley, on the BCS system.

“Right now we have a good system. That’s not to say we won’t improve it. How it will improve over time we’ll find out, but I wouldn’t be in favor of scrapping what we do now,” Ohio State coach Jim Tressel, on the BCS system.

“The other thing is injury. Say you have a guy who has a chance to be a first-round draft choice like Colt McCoy. What happens if those guys have a chance to make millions of dollars? ‘Well, I helped you to get to 12-0, but I’m going to bow out of this playoff because I have to think of my future,’ ” TCU coach Gary Patterson, expressing his views against a playoff system.

“Can you believe Pete Carroll will make $7 million a year to coach the Seahawks? Geez, that’s almost as much as Reggie Bush made at USC,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“The SEC is rid of its biggest headache, and for that, it should be forever thankful to Southern California,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Andrea Adelson.

“The SEC finally has been freed from the embarrassment that former Tennessee head coach Lane Kiffin has been for the last 14 months. What has Kiffin left behind? A legacy of idiocy,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Andrea Adelson.

“Lane Kiffin is no Pete Carroll no matter how many years the two spent working together. Giving Kiffin the keys to the USC dynasty is like turning over the keys to your Bentley to a two-year-old,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Andrea Adelson.

“So a program with possible NCAA sanctions looming hires a guy who caught the eye of NCAA rules people in his only season as a college head coach? Smart move, USC,” Hartford Courant columnist Paul Doyle.

“Lane Kiffin may be a familiar face to the Trojan nation, but he’s the wrong guy for this job. A program in need of a watchdog will be led by an enabler,” Hartford Courant columnist Paul Doyle.

“It’s a great move if USC wants to spend the next decade in the NCAA’s doghouse. The Trojans are already in trouble. The guy cannot be trusted. I wouldn’t buy a Band-Aid from him if I were bleeding,” Chicago Tribune columnist Teddy Greenstein, on Lane Kiffin.

“But seriously, why do you think Tennessee fans are so mad about Lane Kiffin leaving? It’s not so much that he bolted for Southern Cal after one season because deep down they know Southern Cal is a better job. No, they are so angry because everybody has been telling them for a year what idiots they were for hiring and defending such a sleazy coach,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“I’m so ‘Rocky Top’ I can’t stand it,” Barbara Dooley, mother of new Tennessee coach Derek Dooley.

“And now for the words Tennessee fans thought they would never be uttering, ‘Everything’s OK now because we got Derek Dooley!’ Really? Seriously? Tennessee reportedly got turned down by the head coach at Duke, the head coach at Air Force and a defensive coordinator at Texas and settled for DEREK DOOLEY? Are you kidding? The guy was 17-20 at Louisiana Whatchamacallit,” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.

“Derek Dooley may be the worst hire since Van Halen brought in Sammy Hagar to replace David Lee Roth. And to paraphrase Van Halen, a word of advice for UT fans: ‘Jump! Go ahead and jump!’ ” Orlando Sentinel columnist Mike Bianchi.